Lord's day, Oct. 19. "In the morning I felt my soul hungering and thirsting after righteousness. While I was looking on the elements of the Lord's Supper, and thinking that Jesus Christ was not "set forth crucified before me", my soul was filled with light and love, so that I was almost in an ecstacy; my body was so weak I could scarcely stand.

I felt at the same time an exceeding tenderness and most fervent love toward all mankind; so that my soul and all its powers seemed, as it were, to melt into softness and sweetness. But during the communion there was some abatement of this life and fervor. This love and joy cast out fear; and my soul longed for perfect grace and glory. This frame continued til the evening, when my soul was sweetly spiritual in secret duties.

Oct. 20. "I again found the assistance of the Holy Spirit in secret duties, both morning and evening, and life and comfort in religion through the whole day.

Oct. 21. "I had likewise experience of the goodness of God in shedding abroad his love in my heart, and giving me delight and consolation in religious duties; and all the remaining part of the week my soul seemed to be taken up with divine things. I now so longed after God, and to be freed from sin, that, when I felt myself recovering, and thought I must return to college again, which had proved so hurtful to my spiritual interests the year past, I could not but be grieved, and thought I had much rather die; for it distressed me to think of getting away from God. But before I went I enjoyed several other sweet and precious seasons of communion with God, (particularly Oct.30, and Nov. 4,) wherein my soul enjoyed unspeakable comfort.

"I returned to college about Nov. 6, and, through the goodness of God, felt the power of religion almost daily, for the space of six weeks.

Nov. 28. "In my evening devotion I enjoyed precious discoveries of God, and was unspeakably refreshed with that passage, Heb. 12:22-24. My soul longed to be conformed to God in all things. - A day or two after I enjoyed much of the light of God's countenance, most of the day; and my soul rested in God.

Dec. 9. "I was in a comfortable frame of soul most of the day; but especially in evening devotions, when God was pleased wonderfully to assist and strengthen me; so that I thought nothing should ever move me from the love of God in Christ Jesus my Lord. Oh! one hour with God infinitely exceeds all the pleasures and delights of this lower world. "Toward the latter part of January, 1741, I grew more cold and dull in religion, by means of my old temptation, ambition in my studies. But though divine goodness, a great and general awakening spread itself over the college, about the end of February, in which I was much quickened, and more abundantly engaged in religion."

This awakening was at the beginning of that extraordinary religious commotion which then prevailed through the land, and in which the college shared largely. For thirteen months from this time Brainerd kept a constant diary containing a very particular account of what passed from day to day, making two volumes of manuscripts; but when he lay on his death bed he gave orders (unknown to me til after his death) that these two volumes should be destroyed, inserting a notice, at the beginning of the succeeding manuscripts, that a specimen of his manner of living during that entire period would be found in the first thirty pages next following, (ending with June 15, 1742,) except that he was now more "reformed from some imprudences and indecent heats" than before. A circumstance in the life of Brainerd, which gave great offence to the rulers of the College, and occasioned his expulsion, it is necessary should be here particularly related. During the awakening in College, there were several religious students who associated together for mutual conversation and assistance in spiritual things. These were wont freely to open themselves one to another, as special and intimate friends: Brainerd was one of this company. And it once happened, the he and two or three more of these intimate friends were in the hall together, after Mr. Whittlesey, one of the tutors, had engaged in prayer with the scholars; no other person now remaining in the hall but Brainerd and his companions. Mr. Whittlesey having been unusually pathetic in his prayer, one of Brainerd's friends on this occasion asked him what he thought of Mr. Whittlesey; he made answer, "He has no more grace than this chair." One of the freshmen happening at that time to be near the hall, (though not in the room,) over-heard these words; and though he heard no name mentioned, and knew not who was thus censured, informed a certain woman in town, withal telling her his own suspicion, that Brainerd said this of some one of the rulers of the College. Whereupon she informed the Rector, who sent for this freshman and examined him. He told the Rector the words which he heard Brainerd utter; and informed him who were in the room with him at that time. Upon this the Rector sent for them. They were very backward to inform against their friend respecting what they looked upon as a private conversation; especially as none but they had heard or knew of whom he had uttered those words: yet the Rector compelled them to declare what he said, and of whom he said it. Brainerd looked on himself as very HI used in the management of this affair; and thought that it was injuriously extorted from his friends, and then injuriously required of him - as if he had been guilty of some open, notorious crime - to make a public confession, and to humble himself before the whole College in the hall, for what he had said only in private conversation. He not complying with this demand, and having gone once to the Separate meeting at New-Haven, when forbidden by the Rector; and also having been accused by one person of saying concerning the Rector, "that he wondered he did not expect to drop down dead for firing the scholars who followed Mr. Tennent to Milford, though there was no proof of it; (and Brainerd ever professed that he did not remember saying any thing to that purpose,) for these things he was expelled from the college.

How far the circumstances and exigencies of that day might justify such great severity in the governors of the college, I will not undertake to determine; it being my aim, not to bring reproach on the authority of the college, but only to do justice to the memory of a person who was, I think, eminently one of those whose memory is blessed. - The reader will see, in the sequel, (particularly under date of September 14,15, 1743,) in how Christian a manner Brainerd conducted himself with respect to this affair; though he ever, as long as he lived, supposed himself ill used in the management of it, and in what he suffered. - His expulsion was in the winter, 1742, while in his third year at college.

CHAPTER 2.

From about the time when he began the study of Theology, tip he was licensed to preach.

April 1, 1742 - July 29, 1742.

In the spring of 1742 Brainerd went to live with the Rev. Mr. Mills of Ripton, to pursue his studies with him for the work of the ministry. Here he spent the greater part of the time until he was licensed to preach; but frequently rode to visit the neighboring ministers, particularly Mr. Cooke of Stratford, Mr. Graham of Southbury, and Mr. Bellamy of Bethlehem. The following are extracts from his diary at this period.

April 1, 1742. - "I seem to be declining, with respect to my life and warmth in divine things; have not had so free access to God in prayer to-day as usual of late. Oh that God would humble me deeply in the dust before him! I deserve hell every day, for not loving my Lord more, who has, I trust, "loved me and given himself for me;" and every time I am enabled to exercise any grace renewedly, I am renewedly indebted to the God of all grace for special assistance. "Where then is boasting?" Surely "it is excluded," when we think how we are dependent on God for the existence and every act of grace. Oh! if ever I get to heaven, it will be because God pleases, and nothing else; for I never did any thing of myself but get away from God! My soul will be astonished at the unsearchable riches of divine grace when I arrive at the mansions which the blessed Savior is gone before to prepare.

April 2. - "In the afternoon I felt, in secret prayer, much resigned, calm and serene. What are all the storms of this lower world if Jesus, by his Spirit, does but come walking on the seas! - Sometime past I had much pleasure in the prospect of the heathen being brought home to Christ, and desired that the Lord would employ me in that work; but now my soul more frequently desires to die, to be with Christ. On that my soul were wrapped up in a divine love. and my longing desires after God increased! In the evening was refreshed in prayer, with the hopes of the advancement of Christ's kingdom in the world.

Lord's day, April 4. - "My heart was wandering and lifeless. In the evening God gave me faith in prayer, made my soul melt in some measure, and gave me to taste a divine sweetness. Oh! my blessed God! Let me climb up near to him, and love, and long, and plead, and wrestle, and stretch after him, and for deliverance from the body of sin and death. Alas! my soul mourned to think I should ever lose sight of its beloved again. "O come, Lord Jesus, Amen. "

April 6. - "I walked out this morning; had an affecting sense of my own vileness; and cried to God to cleanse me, to give me repentance and pardon. I then began to find it sweet to pray; and could think of undergoing the greatest sufferings in the cause of Christ, with pleasure; and found myself willing, if God should so order it, to suffer banishment from my native land, among the heathen, that I might do something for their salvation, in distress and deaths of any kind. Then God gave me to wrestle earnestly for others, for the kingdom of Christ in the world, and for dear Christian friends.

April 8. - "Had raised hopes to-day respecting the heathen. Of that God would bring in great numbers of them to Jesus Christ! I cannot but hope that I shall see that glorious day Everything in this world seems exceeding vile and little to me: I appear so to myself. I had some little dawn of comfort to-day in prayer; but especially to-night, I think I had some faith and power of intercession with God. I was enabled to plead with God for the growth of grace in myself; and many of the dear children of God then lay with weight upon my soul. Blessed be the Lord! It is good to wrestle for divine blessings.

April 9. - "Most of my time in morning devotion was spent without sensible sweetness; yet I had one delightful prospect of arriving at the heavenly world. I am more amazed than ever at such thoughts; for I see myself infinitely vile and unworthy. No poor creature stands in need of divine grace more than 1, and none abuse it more than I have done, and still do.

Lord's day, April 11. - "In the morning I felt but little life; yet my heart was somewhat drawn out in thankfulness to God for his amazing grace and condescension to me, in past influences and assistance of his Spirit. Afterward, I had some sweetness in the thoughts of arriving at the heavenly world. Oh! for the happy day! After public worship, God gave me special assistance in prayer; I wrestled with my dear Lord, and intercession was made a delightful employment to me. In the evening, as I was viewing the light in the north, I was delighted in the contemplation of the glorious morning of the resurrection.

April 12. - "This morning the Lord was pleased to lift up the light of his countenance upon me in secret prayer, and made the season very precious to my soul. Though I have been so depressed of late, respecting my hopes of future serviceableness in the cause of God; yet now I had much encouragement. I was especially assisted to intercede and plead for poor souls, and for the enlargement of Christ's kingdom in the world, and for special grace for myself, to fit me for special services. My faith lifted me above the world, and removed all those mountains over which of late I could not look. I wanted not the favor of man to lean upon; for I knew that Christ's favor was infinitely better, and that it was no matter when nor where, nor how Christ should send me, nor what trials he should still exercise me with, if I might be prepared for his work and will.

April 14. - "My soul longed for communion with Christ, and for the mortification of indwelling corruption, especially spiritual pride. Oh!, there is a sweet day coming, wherein "the weary will be at rest!" My soul has enjoyed much sweetness this day, in the hope of its speedy arrival.

April 15. - "My desires apparently centered in God and I found a sensible attraction of soul after him sundry times to-day. I know that I long for God, and a conformity to his will, in inward purity and holiness, ten thousand times more than for any thing here below.

Lord's day, April 18. - "I retired early this morning into the woods for prayer; had the assistance of God's Spirit, and faith in exercise; and was enabled to plead with fervency for the advancement of Christ's kingdom in the world, and to intercede for dear, absent friends. At noon, God enabled me to wrestle with him, and to feel, as I trust, the power of divine love in prayer. At night, I saw myself infinitely indebted to God, and had a view of my failures in duty. It seemed to me that I had done, as it were, nothing for God, and that I had lived to him but a few hours of my life.

April 19. - "I set apart this day for fasting and prayer to God for his grace; especially to prepare me for the work of the ministry; to give me divine aid and direction, in my preparations for that great work; and in his own time to send me into his harvest. Accordingly, in the morning I endeavored to plead for the divine presence for the day, and not without some life. In the forenoon I felt the power of intercession for precious, immortal souls; for the advancement of the kingdom of my dear Lord and Saviour in the world; and withal, a most sweet resignation and even consolation and joy, in the thoughts of suffering hardships, distresses, and even death itself, in the promotion of it, and has special enlargement in pleading for the enlightening and conversion of the poor heathen. In the afternoon God was with me of a truth. Oh!, it was blessed company indeed! God enabled me so to agonize in prayer, that I was quite wet with sweat, though in the shade and the cool wind. My soul was drawn out very much for the world; I grasped for multitudes of souls. I think I had more enlargement for sinners than for the children of God; though I felt as if I could spend my life in cries for both. I had great enjoyment in communion with my dear Savior. I think I never in my life felt such an entire weanedness from this world, and so much resigned to God in every thing. Oh! that I may always live to and upon my blessed God! Amen, Amen.

April 20. - "This day I am twenty-four years of age. Oh! how much mercy have I received the year past! How often has God "caused his goodness to pass before me!" And how poorly have I answered the vows I made one year since, to be wholly the Lord's, to be for ever devoted to his service! The Lord help me to live more to his glory for the time to come. This has been a sweet, a happy day to me; blessed be God. I think my soul was never so drawn out in intercession for others, as it has been this night. Had a most fervent wrestle with the Lord to-night, for my enemies; and I hardly ever so longed to live to God, and to be altogether devoted to him; I wanted to wear out my life in his service, and for his glory.

April 21, "Felt much calmness and resignation; and God again enabled me to wrestle for numbers of souls, and gave me fervently in the sweet duty of intercession. I enjoy of late more sweetness in intercession for others, than in any other part of prayer. My blessed Lord really let me come near to him, and plead with him.

Lord's day, April 25. "This morning I spent about two hours in secret duties, and was enabled, more than ordinarily, to agonize for immortal souls. At night I was exceedingly melted with divine love, and had some feeling sense of the blessedness of the upper world. Those words hung upon me with much divine sweetness. Psa. 84:7. "They go from strength to strength, every one of them in Zion appeareth before God. " Oh! the near access that God sometimes gives us in our addresses to him! This may well be termed "appearing before God:" it is so indeed, in the true spiritual sense, and in the sweetest sense. I think that I have not had such power of intercession these many months, both for God's children, and for dead sinners, as I have had this evening. I wished and longed for the coming of my dear Lord: I longed to join the angelic hosts in praises, wholly free from imperfection. Oh!, the blessed moment hastens! All I want is to be more holy, more like my dear Lord. Oh for sanctification! My very soul pants for the complete restoration of the blessed image of my Savior; that I may be fit for the blessed enjoyments and employments of the heavenly world. So much of heaven before; it was the most refined and most spiritual season of communion with God I ever yet felt.

April 28. - "I withdrew to my usual place of retirement, in great peace and tranquility, spent about two hours in secret duties, and felt much as I did yesterday morning, only weaker, and more overcome. I seemed to depend wholly on my dear Lord; weaned from all other dependencies. I knew not what to say to my God, but only lean on his bosom, as it were, and breathe out my desires after a perfect conformity to him in all things. Thirsting desires after perfect holiness, and insatiable longings possessed my soul. God was so precious to me that the world, with all its enjoyments, was infinitely vile. I had no more value for the favor of men, than for pebbles. The Lord was my all, and that he over-ruled all, greatly delighted me. I think that my faith and dependence on God scarce ever rose so high. I saw him such a fountain of goodness that it seemed impossible I should distrust him again, or be any way anxious about any thing that should happen to me. I now had great satisfaction in praying for absent friends, and for the enlargement of Christ's kingdom in the world. Much of the power of these divine enjoyments remained with me through the day. In the evening my heart seemed to melt, and I trust was really humbled for indwelling corruption, and I "mourned like a dove." I felt that all my unhappiness arose from my being a sinner. With resignation, I could bid welcome to all other trials; but sin hung heavy upon me; for God discovered to me the corruption of my heart. I went to bed with a heavy heart, because I was a sinner; though I did not in the least doubt of God's love. Oh! that God would "purge away my dross, and take away my sin," and make me ten times refined!

May 1. - "I was enabled to cry to God with fervency for ministerial qualifications, that he would appear for the advancement of his own kingdom, and that he would bring in the heathen. Had much assistance in my studies. This has been a profitable week to me; I have enjoyed many communications of the blessed Spirit in my soul.

May 3. - "Had a sense of vile ingratitude. In the morning I withdrew to my usual place of retirement, and mourned for my abuse of my dear Lord; spent the day in fasting and prayer. God gave me much power of wrestling for his cause and kingdom; and it was a happy day to my soul. God was with me all the day; and I was more above the world than ever in my life.

May 13. - (At Wethersfield.) "Saw so much of the wickedness of my heart that I longed to get away from myself I never before thought that there was so much spiritual pride in my soul. I felt almost pressed to death with my own vileness. Oh! what a "body of death" is there in me! Lord deliver my soul! I could not find any convenient place for retirement, and was greatly exercised. Rode to Hartford in the afternoon; had some refreshment and comfort in religious exercises with Christian friends; but longed for more retirement. Oh!, the closest walk with God is the sweetest heaven that can be enjoyed on earth!

June 14. - "Felt somewhat of the sweetness of communion with God, and the constraining force of his love; how admirably it captivates the soul, and makes all the desires and affections center in God! - I set apart this day for secret fasting and prayer, to entreat God to direct and bless me with regard to the great work which I have in view, of preaching the gospel - and that the Lord would return to me, and individually "show me the light of his countenance." Had little life and power in the forenoon: near the middle of the afternoon God enabled me to wrestle ardently in intercession for absent friends: but just at night the Lord visited me marvelously in prayer. I think my soul never was in such an agony before. I felt no restraint, for the treasures of divine grace were opened to me. I wrestled for absent friends, for the ingathering of souls, for multitudes of poor souls, and for many that I thought were the children of God, in many distant places. I was in such an agony, for half an hour before sunset, till near dark, that I was all over wet with sweat: but yet is seemed to me that I had wasted away the day, and had done nothing. Oh!, my dear Savior did sweat blood for poor souls! I longed for more compassion toward them. Felt still in a sweet frame, under a sense of divine love and "Farewell, vain world; my soul can bid Adieu. "My Savior taught me to abandon you. "Your charms may gratify a sensual mind. "But cannot please a soul for God Designed.

"Forbear t' entice; cease then my soul to call;

Tis fixed through grace; my God shall be my all.

"While he thus lets me heavenly glories view,

"Your beauties fade, my heart's no room for you."

"The Lord refreshed my soul with many sweet passages of his word. Oh! the New Jerusalem! my soul longed for it. Oh! the song of Moses and the Lamb! And that blessed song, that no man can learn but they who are "redeemed from the earth!"

"Lord, I'm a stranger here alone; "Earth no true comforts can afford;

"Yet, absent from my dearest one, "My soul delights to cry 'My Lord!'

"Jesus, my Lord, my only love, "Possesses my soul, not thence depart:

"Grant me kind visits, heavenly Dove;"My God shall then have all my heart."

April 27. "I arose and retired early for secret devotions; and in prayer, God was pleased to pour such ineffable comforts into my soul, that I could do nothing for some time but say over and over, "O my sweet Saviour! whom have I in Heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee." If I had a thousand lives, my soul would gladly have laid them all down at once, to have been with Christ. My soul never enjoyed grace; and went to bed in such a frame, with my heart set on God.

June 15. - "Had the most ardent longings after God. At noon, in my secret retirement, I could do nothing but tell my dear Lord, in a sweet calm, that he know I desired nothing but himself, nothing but holiness; that he had given me these desires, and he only could give me the thing desired. I never seemed to be so unhinged from myself, and to be so wholly devoted to God. My heart was swallowed up in God most of the day. In the evening I had such a view of the soul being, as it were, enlarged, to contain more holiness, that it seemed ready to separate from my body. I then wrestled in agony for divine blessings; had my heart drawn out in prayer for some Christian friends, beyond what I ever had before. I feel differently now from what I ever did under any enjoyments before; more engaged to live to God for ever, and less pleased with my own frames. I am not satisfied with my frames, nor feel at all more easy after such strugglings than before; for it seems far too little, if I should always so. Oh! how short do I fall of my duty in my sweetest moments!

June 18. - "Considering my great unfitness for the work of the ministry, my present deadness, and total inability to do any thing for the glory of God that way, feeling myself very helpless, and at a great loss what the Lord would have me to do; I set apart this day for prayer to God, and spent most of the day in that duty but was amazingly deserted most of the day. yet I found God graciously near, once in particular; while I was pleading for more compassion for immortal souls, my heart seemed to be opened at once, and I was enabled to cry with great ardency for a few minutes. Oh!, I was distressed to think, that I should offer such dead cold services to the living God! My soul seemed to breathe after holiness, a life of constant devotedness to God. But I almost lost sometimes in the pursuit of this blessedness, and ready to sink, because I continually fall short, and miss of my desire. Oh! that the Lord would help me to hold out, yet a little while, until the happy hour of deliverance comes!

June 30. - "Spent this day alone in the woods, in fasting and prayer; underwent the most dreadful conflicts in my soul. I saw myself so vile that I was ready to say, "I shall now perish by the hand of Saul." I thought that I had no power to stand for the cause of God, but was almost afraid of the shaking of a leaf. Spent almost the whole day in prayer, incessantly. I could not bear to think of Christians showing me any respect. I almost despaired of doing any service in the world: I could ot feel any hope or comfort respecting the heathen, which used to afford me some refreshment in the darkest hours of this nature. I spent the day in bitterness of soul. Near night I felt a little better; and afterward enjoyed some sweetness in secret prayer.

July 1. - "Had some enjoyment in prayer this morning; and far more than usual in secret prayer to-night, and desired nothing so ardently as that God should do with me just as he pleased.

July 2. - "Felt composed in secret prayer in the morning. My desires ascended to God this day, as I was traveling: was comfortable in the evening. Blessed be God for all my consolations.

July 3. - "My heart seemed again to sink. The disgrace I was laid under at college seemed to damp my spirits; as it opens the mouths of opposers. I had no refuge but in God. Blessed be his name, that I may go to him at all times, and find him a 'present help.'

Lord's day, July 4. - "Had considerable assistance. In the evening I withdrew, and enjoyed a happy season in secret prayer. God was pleased to give me the exercise of faith, and thereby brought the invisible and eternal world near to my soul; which appeared sweetly to me. I hoped that my weary pilgrimage in the world would be short; and that it would not be long before I should be brought to my heavenly home and Father's house. I was resigned to God's will, to tarry his time, to do his work, and suffer his pleasure. I felt thankfulness to God for all my pressing desertions of late; for I am persuaded that they have been made a means of making me more humble, and much more resigned. I felt pleased to be little, to be nothing, and to lie in the dust. I enjoyed life and consolation in pleading for the dear children of God, and the kingdom of Christ in the world: and my soul earnestly breathed after holiness, and the enjoyment of God. "O come, Lord Jesus, come quickly."

July 29. - "I was examined by the Association met at Danbury, as to my learning, and also my experience in religion, and received a license from them to preach the Gospel of Christ. Afterward felt much devoted to God; joined in prayer with one of the ministers, my peculiar friend, in a convenient place; and went to bed resolving to live devoted to God all my days."

CHAPTER 3.

From his being licensed to preach, till he was commissioned as a Missionary.

July 30, - Nov. 25, 1742.

July 30, 1742. - "Rode from Danbury to Southbury; preached there, from I Pet. 4:8. Had much of the comfortable presence of God in the exercise. I seemed to have power with God in prayer, and power to get hold of the hearts of the people in preaching.

Aug. 12. (Near Kent.) - "This morning and last night I was exercised with sore inward trials: I had no power to pray: but seemed shut out from God. I had in a great measure lost my hopes of God's sending me among the heathen afar off, and of seeing them flock home to Christ. I saw so much of my vileness, that I wondered that God would let me live and that people did not stone me; much more that they would ever hear me preach!

It seemed as though I never could preach any more; yet about nine or ten o'clock the people came over, and I was forced to preach; and blessed be God, he gave me his presence and Spirit in prayer and preaching; so that I was much assisted, and spake with power, from Job, 14:14. Some Indians residing here, cried out in great distress, and all appeared greatly concerned. After we had prayed and exhorted them to seek the Lord with constancy, and hired an English woman to keep a kind of school among them, we came away."

Lord's day, Aug. 15. - "Felt much comfort and devotedness to God this day. At night, it was refreshing to get alone with God, and pour out my soul. Oh!, who can conceive of the sweetness of communion with the blessed God, but those who have experience of it! Glory to God for ever, that I may taste heaven below.

Aug. 17. - "Exceedingly depressed in spirit, it cuts and wounds my heart to think how much self-exaltation, spiritual pride, and warmth of temper, I have formerly had intermingled with my endeavors to promote God's work: and sometimes I long to lie down at the feet of opposers, and confess what a poor imperfect creature I have been, and still am. The Lord forgive me, and make me, for the future, "wise as a serpent, and harmless as a dove!" Afterward enjoyed considerable comfort and delight of soul.

Aug. 19. - "This day, being about to go from Mr. Bellamy's, at Bethlehem, where I had resided some time, I prayed with him and two or three other Christian friends. We gave ourselves to God with all our hearts, to he his for ever: eternity looked very near to me while I was praying. If I never should see these Christians again in this world, it seemed but a few moments before I should meet them in another world.

Aug. 23. - "Had a sweet season in secret prayer: the Lord drew near to my soul, and filled me with peace and divine consolation. Oh!, my soul tasted the sweetness of heaven; and was drawn out in prayer for the world, that it might come home to Christ! Had much comfort in the thoughts and hopes of the ingathering of the heathen; was greatly assisted in intercession for Christian friends."

Sept. 1. - "Went to Judea to the ordination of Mr. Judd. Mr. Bellamy preached from Matt. 24:26. 'Blessed is that servant whom his Lord, when he cometh, shall find so doing. ' I felt very solemn; had my thoughts much on that time when our Lord will come, which refreshed my soul much; only I was afraid I should not be found faithful, because I have so vile a heart. My thoughts were much in eternity where I love to dwell. Blessed be God for this solemn season. Rode home to night with Mr. Bellamy, conversed with some friends till it was very late, and then retired to rest in a comfortable frame.

Sept. 4. - "Much out of health, exceedingly depressed in my soul, and at awful distance from God. Toward night, spent some time in profitable thoughts on Rom. 8:2. Near night, had a very sweet season in prayer; God enabled me to wrestle ardently for the advancement of the Redeemer's kingdom; pleaded earnestly for my own dear brother John, (who at length became his successor as a Missionary to the Indians,) that God would make him more of a pilgrim and stranger on the earth, and fit him for singular serviceableness in the world; and my heart sweetly exulted in the Lord, in the thoughts of any distresses that might alight on him or on me, in the advancement of Christ's kingdom. It was a sweet and comfortable hour unto my soul, while I was indulged with freedom to plead, not only for myself, but also for many other souls.

Sept. 16. - "At night, enjoyed much of God, in secret prayer: felt an uncommon resignation to be and do what God pleased. Some days past I felt great perplexity on account of my past conduct: my bitterness, and want of Christian kindness and love, has been very distressing to my soul: the Lord forgive my unchristian warmth, and want of a spirit of meekness!

Oct. 21. - "Had a very deep sense of the vanity of the world, most of the day; had little more regard to it, than if I had been to go into eternity the next hour. Through divine goodness, I felt very serious and solemn. Oh! 1 love to live on the brink of eternity, in my views and meditations! This gives me a sweet, awful, and reverential sense and apprehension of God and divine things, when I see myself as it were, standing before the judgment seat of Christ.

Oct. 22. - "Uncommonly weaned from the world to-day: my soul delighted to be a "stranger and pilgrim on the earth;" I felt a disposition in me never to have any thing to do with this world. The character given of some of the ancient people of God, in Heb. 11: 13, was very pleasing to me, "they confessed that they were pilgrims and strangers on the earth, " by their daily practice; and Oh! that I could always do so! Spent some time in a pleasant grove, in prayer and meditation. Oh! it is sweet to be thus weaned from friends, and from myself, and dead to the present world, that so I may live wholly to and upon the blessed God! Saw myself little, low and vile, as I am in myself. In the afternoon preached at Bethlehem from Dent. 8:2. God helped me to speak to the hearts of dear Christians. Blessed be the Lord for this season: I trust they and I shall rejoice on this account to all eternity. Dear Mr. Bellamy came in while I was making the first prayer, (having returned home from a journey,) and after meeting we walked away together, and spent the evening in sweetly conversing on divine things, and praying together, with tender love to each other, and retired to rest with our hearts in a serious spiritual frame.

Oct. 26. - "[At West Suffield.] Was in great distress, under a sense of my own unworthiness. It seemed to me that I deserved rather to be driven out of the place, than to have anybody treat me with kindness, or come to hear me preach. And verily my spirits were so depressed at this time (as at many others) that it was impossible I should treat immortal souls with faithfulness. I could snot deal closely and faithfully with them, I felt so infinitely vile in myself. Oh! what dust and ashes I am, to think of preaching the Gospel to others! Indeed, I never can be faithful for one moment, but shall certainly "daub with untempered mortar," if God do not grant me special help. In the evening I went to the meeting-house, and it looked to me near as easy for one to rise out of the grave and preach, as for me. However, God afforded me some life and power, both in prayer and sermon; and was pleased to lift me up, and show me that he could enable me to preach. Oh! the wonderful goodness of God to so vile a sinner! Returned to my lodgings, and enjoyed some sweetness in prayer alone, and mourned that I could not live more to God.

November 4. - "[At Lebanon.] Saw much of my nothingness most of this day; but felt concerned that I had no more sense of my insufficiency and unworthiness. Oh! it is sweet lying in the dust! But it is distressing to feel in my soul that hell of corruption which still remains in me. In the afternoon had a sense of the sweetness of a strict, close, and constant devotedness to God, and my soul was comforted with his consolations. My soul felt a pleasing, yet painful concern, lest I should spend some moments without God. Oh! may I always live to God! In the evening I was visited by some friends, and spent the time in prayer, and such conversation as tended to our edification. It was a comfortable season to my soul: I felt an intense desire to spend every moment for God. God is unspeakably gracious to me continually. In times past, he has given me inexpressible sweetness in the performance of duty. Frequently my soul has enjoyed much of God; but has been ready to say, "Lord, it is good to be here," and so to indulge sloth, while I have lived on my enjoyments. But of late, God has been pleased to keep my soul hungry, almost continually; so that I have been filled with a kind of pleasing pain. When I really enjoy God I feel my desires of him the more insatiable, and my thirstings after holiness the more unquenchable; and the Lord will not allow me to feel as though I were fully supplied and satisfied, but keeps me still reaching forward. I feel barren and empty, as though I could not live with more of God; I feel ashamed and guilty before him. I see that "the law is spiritual, but I am carnal." I do not, I cannot live to God. Oh! for holiness! Oh! for more of God in my soul! Oh! this pleasing pain! It makes my soul press after God; the language of it is, "Then shall I be satisfied, when I awake in God's likeness," but never, never before: and consequently, I am engaged to "press toward the mark," day by day. Oh! that I may feel this continual hunger, and not be retarded, but rather animated, by every cluster from Canaan, to reach forward in the narrow way for the full enjoyment and possession of the heavenly inheritance! Oh! that I may never loiter in my heavenly journey!"

Lord's day, Nov. 7. - "[At Millington.] It seemed as if such an unholy wretch as I never could arrive at that blessedness, to be "holy, as God is holy." At noon, I longed for sanctification, and conformity to God. Oh! that is the all, the all. The Lord help me to press after God forever.

Nov. 8. - "Toward night, enjoyed much sweetness in secret prayer, so that my soul longed for an arrival in the heavenly country, the blessed paradise of God. Through divine goodness I have scarce seen the day for two months, in which death has not looked so pleasant to me, at one time or other of the day, that I could have rejoiced that it should be my last, notwithstanding my present inward trials and conflicts. I trust the Lord will finally make me a conqueror, and more than a conqueror; and that I shall be able to use that triumphant language, "O death, where is thy sting! Oh! grave, where is thy victory!"

Nov. 19. - "[At New-Haven.] Received a letter from the Rev. Mr. Pemberton, of New-York, desiring me speedily to go down thither, and consult in reference to the evangelizing of the Indians in those parts; and to meet certain gentlemen there who were intrusted with those affairs. My mind was instantly seized with concern; so I retired, with two or three Christian friends, and prayed; and indeed it was a sweet time with me. I was enabled to leave myself, and all my concerns with God; and taking leave of friends, I rode to Ripton, and was comforted in an opportunity to see and converse with dear Mr. Mills."

Nov. 24. - "Came to New-York; felt still much concerned about the importance of my business; made many earnest requests to God for his help and direction; was confused with the noise and tumult of the city; enjoyed but little time alone with God; but my soul longed after him.

Nov. 25. - "Spent much time in prayer and supplication: was examined in reference to my Christian experience, my acquaintance with divinity, and some other studies and my qualifications for the important work of evangelizing the heathen [Mr. Brainerd was examined by the correspondents in New-York, New-Jersey, and Pennsylvania, of the Society in Scotland for propagating Christian knowledge; to whom was committed the management of their affairs in those parts, and who were not met at New-York.], and was made sensible of my great ignorance and unfitness for public service. I had the most abasing thoughts of myself; I felt that I was the worst wretch that ever lived: it pained my very heart, that anybody should show me any respect. Alas! me thought how sadly they are deceived in me! how miserably would they be disappointed if they knew my inside! Oh! my heart! And in the depressed condition I was forced to go and preach to a considerable assembly, before some grave and learned ministers; but felt such a pressure from a sense of my vileness, ignorance, and unfitness to appear in public, that I was almost overcome with it; my soul was grieved for the congregation, that they should sit there to hear such a dead dog as I preach, I thought myself infinitely indebted to the people, and longed that God would reward them with the rewards of his grace. I spent much of the evening alone."

CHAPTER 4.

Nov. 26, 1742. - "Had still a sense of my great vileness, and endeavored as much as I could to keep alone. Oh! what a nothing, what dust and ashes am I! Enjoyed some peace and comfort in spreading my complaints before the God of all grace.

Nov. 27. - "Committed my soul to God with some degree of comfort; left New-York about nine in the morning; came away with a distressing sense still of my unspeakable unworthiness. Surely I may well love all my brethren; for none of them all is so vile as 1: whatever they do outwardly, yet it seems to me none is conscious of so much guilt before God. Oh! my leanness, my barrenness, my carnality, and past bitterness, and want of a gospel temper! These things oppress my soul. Rode from New-York, thirty miles, to White Plains, and most of the way continued lifting up my heart to God for mercy and purifying grace; and spent the evening much dejected in spirit.

Dec. 1. - "My soul breathed after God, in sweet spiritual and longing desires of conformity to him, and was brought to rest itself on his rich grace, and felt strength and encouragement to do or suffer any thing, that divine providence should allot me. Rode about twenty miles, from Stratfield to Newtown." Within the space of the next nine days he went a journey from Newton to Haddam, his native town; and after staying there some days, returned again into the western part of Connecticut, and came to Southbury.

Dec. 11th. - "Conversed with a dear friend, to whom I had thought of giving a liberal education, and being at the whole charge of it, that he might be fitted for the gospel ministry. [Brainerd, having now undertaken the business of a missionary to the Indians, and having some estate left him by his father, judged that there was no way in which he could spend it more for the glory of God, than by being at the charge of educating some young man of talents and piety for the ministry. The young man here spoken of was selected for this purpose, and received his education at Brainerd's expense, so long as his benefactor lived, which was till he was carried through his third year in college.] I acquainted him with my thoughts on the subject, and so left him to consider of it, till I should see him again. Then I rode to Bethlehem, came to Mr. Bellamy's lodgings, and spent the evening with him in sweet conversation and prayer. We commended the concern of sending my friend to college to the God of all grace. Blessed be the Lord for this evening's opportunity together.

Lord's day, Dec. 12. - "I felt, in the morning, as if I had little or no power either to pray or preach; and felt a distressing need of divine help. I went to meeting trembling; but it pleased God to assist me in prayer and sermon. I think my soul scarce ever penetrated so far into the immaterial world, in any one prayer that I ever made, nor were my devotions ever so free from gross conceptions and imaginations framed from beholding material objects. I preached with some satisfaction, from Matt. 6:33. "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, " &c.; and in the afternoon, from Rom. 15:30. "And now I beseech you brethren, " &c. There was much affection in the assembly. This has been a sweet Sabbath to me; and blessed be God, I have reason to think that my religion has become more spiritual by means of late inward conflicts. Amen. May I always be willing that God should use his own methods with me!

Dec. 14. -"Some perplexity hung on my mind; I was distressed last night and this morning for the interests of Zion, especially on account of the false appearances of religion, that do but rather breed confusion, especially in some places. I cried to God for help, to enable me to bear testimony against those things, which, instead of promoting, do but hinder the progress of vital piety. In the afternoon, rode down to Southbury, and conversed again with my friend on the important subject of his pursuing the work of the ministry; and he appeared much inclined to devote himself to it, if God should succeed his attempts to qualify himself for so great a work. In the evening I preached from I Thess. 4:8, and endeavored, though with tenderness, to undermine false religion. The Lord gave me some assistance.

Dec. 15. - "Enjoyed some thing of God to-day, both in secret and social prayer; but was sensible of much barrenness and defect in duty, as well as my inability to help myself for the time to come, or to perform the work and business I have to do. Afterward, felt much of the sweetness of religion, and the tenderness of the gospel-temper. I found a dear love to all mankind, and was much afraid lest some motion of anger or resentment should, from time to time creep into my heart. Had some comforting, soul-refreshing discourse with dear friends, just as we took our leave of each other; and supposed it might be we should not meet again till we came to the eternal world. [It had been determined by the Commissioners, who employed Brainerd as a missionary, that he should go, as soon as might be convenient, to the Indians living near the Forks of Delaware river, and the Indians on Susquehanna river. The distance of those places, and his probable exposure to many hardships and dangers, was the occasion of his taking leave of his friends in this manner.] I doubt not but, through grace, some of us shall have a happy meeting there, and bless God for this season, as well as many others. Amen.

Dec. 18. "Spent much time in prayer in the woods; and seemed raised above the things of the world: my soul was strong in the Lord of Hosts; but was sensible of great barrenness.

Dec. 23. - "Enjoyed, I trust, the presence of God this morning in secret. Oh!, How divinely sweet is it to come into the secret of his presence, and abide in his pavilion!

Dec. 27. - "Enjoyed a precious season indeed; had a melting sense of divine things, of the pure spirituality of the religion of Christ Jesus. In the evening I preached from Matt. 6:33. with much freedom, power and pungency: the presence of God attended our meeting. Oh!, the sweetness, the tenderness I felt in my soul! If ever I felt the temper of Christ, I had some sense of it now. Blessed be my God, I have seldom enjoyed a more comfortable and profitable day than this. Oh!, that I could spend all my time for God!

Jan. 14, 1743. - "My spiritual conflicts to-day were unspeakably dreadful, heavier than the mountains and over-flowing floods. I was deprived of all sense of God, even of the being of a God; and that was my misery. The torments of the damned, I am sure, will consist much in a privation of God, and consequently of all good. This taught me the absolute dependence of a creature upon God the Creator, for every crumb of happiness it enjoys. Oh!, I feel that, if there is no God, though I might live forever here, and enjoy not only this, but all other worlds, I should be ten thousand times more miserable than a reptile.

Lord's day, Jan. 23. - "I scarce ever felt myself so unfit to exist as now: saw I was not worthy of a place among the Indians, where I am going, if God permit: thought I should be ashamed to look them in the face, and much more to have any respect shown me there. Indeed I felt myself banished from the earth, as if all places were too good for such a wretch. I thought I should be ashamed to go among the very savages of Africa; I appeared to myself a creature fit for nothing, neither heaven nor earth. None know but those who feel it, what the soul endures that is sensibly shut out from the presence of God: alas! it is more bitter than death.

Feb. 2. - "Preached my farewell sermon last night, at the house of an aged man, who had been unable to attend on public worship for some time. This morning spent the time in prayer almost wherever I went; and having taken leave of friends, I set out on my journey toward the Indians; though I was first to spend some weeks at East -Hampton, on Long-Island, by leave of the commissioners; the winter season being judged unfavorable for the commencement of the mission.

Feb. 12. - [At East-Hampton.] "Enjoyed a little more comfort; was enabled to meditate with some composure of mind; and especially in the evening, found my soul more refreshed in prayer than at any time of late; my soul seemed to "take hold of God's strength," and was comforted with his consolations. Oh!, how sweet are some glimpses of divine glory! how strengthening and quickening!

Feb. 15. "Early in the day I felt some comfort, afterward I walked into a neighboring grove, and felt more as a stranger on earth, I think, than ever before; dead to any Of the enjoyments of the world. In the evening had divine sweetness in secret duty: God was then my portion, and my soul rose above those deep waters, into which I have sunk so low of late. My soul then cried for Zion, and had sweetness in so doing."

Feb. 17. - "Preached this day at a little village in East-Hampton; and God was pleased to give me his gracious presence and assistance, so that I spake with freedom, boldness, and some power. In the evening spent some time with a dear Christian friend; and felt serious, as on the brink of eternity. Our interview was truly a little emblem of heaven itself. I find my soul is more refined and weaned from a dependence on my frames and spiritual feelings.

Feb. 18. -"Had some enjoyment most of the day, and found access to the throne of grace. Blessed be the Lord for any intervals of heavenly delight and composure, while I am engaged in the field of battle. Oh!, that I might be serious, solemn, and always vigilant, while in an evil world! Had some opportunity alone to-day , and found some freedom in study, Oh!, In long to live to God!"

During the next two weeks it appears that for the most part he enjoyed much spiritual peace and comfort. In his diary for this space of time, are expressed such things as these; mouming over indwelling sin, unprofitableness; deadness to the world; longing after God, and to live to his glory; heart melting desires after his eternal home; fixed reliance on God for his help; experience of such divine assistance, both in the private and public exercises of religion; inward strength nd courage in the service of God; very frequent refreshment, consolation, and divine sweetness in meditation, prayer, preaching, and Christian conversation. And it appears by his account, that this space of time was filled up with great diligence and earnestness in serving God; in study, prayer, meditation, preaching, and privately instructing and counseling.

March 7. - "This morning when In arose In found my heart go forth after God in longing desires of conformity to him, and in secret prayer found myself sweetly quickened and drawn out in praises to God for all he had done to and for me, and for all my inward trials and distress of late. My heart ascribed glory, glory, glory to the blessed God' and bid welcome to all inward distress again, if God saw meet to exercise me with it. Time appeared but an inch long, and eternity at hand; and In thought In could with patience and cheerfulness bear any thing for the cause of God; for In saw that a moment would bring me to a world of peace and blessedness. My soul, by the strength of the Lord, rose far above this lower world, and all the vain amusements and frightful disappointments of it.

Lord's day, March 13, "At noon, In thought it impossible for me to preach, by reason of bodily weakness and inward deadness. In the first prayer, In was so weak that In could scarcely stand; but in the sermon, God strengthened me, so that In spake near an hour and a half with sweet freedom, clearness, and some tender power, from Gen. 5:24. "And Enoch walked with God. " In was sweetly assisted to insist on a close walk with God, and to leave this as my parting advice to God's people here, that they would "walk with God. " May the God of all grace succeed my poor labors in this place'

March 14. "In the morning was very busy in preparation for my journey, and was almost continually engaged in ejaculatory prayer. About ten took leave of the dear people of East-Hampton; my heart grieved and mourned, and rejoiced at the same time; rode near fifty miles to a part of Brook-Haven, and lodged there, and had refreshing conversation with a Christian friend." In two days more he reached New-York; but complains of much desertion and deadness on the road. He stayed one day in New-York, and on Friday went to Mr. Dickinson's at Elizabeth-Town.

March. 19. "Was bitterly distressed under a sense of my ignorance, darkness, and unworthiness; got alone, and poured out my complaint to God in the bitterness of my soul. In the afternoon rode to Newark, and has some sweetness in conversation and prayer with Mr. Buff. Oh! blessed be God for ever and ever, for any enlivening and quickening seasons.

Lord's day, March 2Oh!. "Preached in the forenoon: God gave me some assistance, and enabled me to speak with real tenderness, love, and impartiality. In the evening preached again; and of a truth God was pleased to assist a poor worm. Blessed be God, In was enabled to speak with life, power, and desire of the edification of God's people; and with some power to sinners. In the evening In was watchful, lest my heart should by any means be drawn away from God. Oh! when shall In come to that blessed world where every power of my soul will be incessantly and eternally wound up in heavenly employments and enjoyments, to the highest degree!"

On Monday he went to Woodbridge, New Jersey, where he met the Correspondents, who, instead of sending him to the Indians at the Forks of the Delaware, as before intended, directed him to go to a number of Indians at Kaunaumeek; a place in New-York, in the woods between Stockbridge and Albany. This alteration was occasioned by two things. 1. Information which the correspondents had received of some contention between the white people and the Indians on the Delaware, concerning their lands; which they supposed would be a hindrance to the success of a missionary among them at that time. 2. Some intimations which they had received from Mr. Sergeant, Missionary to the Indians at Stockbridge, concerning the Indians at Kaunaumeek, and the hopeful prospect of success which a Missionary might have among them. On the day following he set out on his journey for Kaunaumeek, and arrived at Mr. Sergeant's house in Stockbridge March 31.

CHAPTER 5.

April 1, 1743. - June 12, 1744.

April 1, 1743. "In rode to Kaunaumeek, in the wilderness, near twenty miles from Stockbridge, and about an equal distance from Albany, where the Indians live with whom In am concerned; and lodged with a poor Scotchman, about a mile and a half distant from them, on a little heap of straw, in a log room without any floor. In was greatly exercised with inward trials, and seemed to have no God to go to. Oh! that God would help me!

April 7., "Appeared to myself exceedingly ignorant, weak, helpless, unworthy, and altogether unequal to my work. It seemed to me that In should never do any service, or have any success among the Indians. My soul was weary of my life; In longed for death, beyond measure. When In thought of any godly soul departed, my soul was ready to envy him his privilege, thinking, "O when will my turn come! must it be years first!" But In know these ardent desires, at this and other times, rose partly from the want of resignation to God under all miseries; and so were but impatience. Toward night In had the exercise of faith in prayer, and some assistance in writing. Oh! that God would keep me near him!

Lord's day, April 10. "Rose early in the morning and walked out and spent a considerable time in the woods, in prayer and meditation. Preached to the Indians, both forenoon and afternoon. They behaved soberly in general: two or three in particular appeared to be under some religious concern; with whom In discoursed privately; and one told me, "that her heart had cried ever since she first heard me preach."

April 16. - "In the afternoon preached to my people; but was more discouraged with them than before; feared that nothing would ever be done for them to any happy effect. In retired and poured out my soul to God for mercy; but without any sensible relief. Soon after, two ungodly men came, with a design, as they said, to hear me preach the next day; but none can tell how In felt to hear their profane talk. Oh!, In longed that some dear Christian should know my distress. I got into a kind of hove, and there groaned out my complaint to God; and withal felt more sensible gratitude and thankfulness to God; that he had made me to differ from these men, as In knew, through grace, he had. Lord's day, April 17. - "In the morning was again distressed as soon as In awaked, hearing much talk about the world, and the things of it. In perceived that the men were in some measure afraid of me; and In discoursed about sanctifying the Sabbath, if possible to solemnize their minds; but when they were at a little distance, they again talked freely about secular affairs. Oh! I thought what a hell it would be to live with such men to eternity! The Lord gave me some assistance in preaching, all day, and some resignation, and a small degree of comfort in prayer, at night.

April 19. - "In the morning In enjoyed some sweet repose and rest in God; felt some strength and confidence in him; and my soul was in some measure refreshed and comforted. Spent most of the day in writing, and had some exercise of grace, sensible and comfortable. My soul seemed lifted above the deep waters, wherein it has long been almost drowned; felt some spiritual longings and breathings after God; and found myself engaged for the advancement of Christ's kingdom in my own soul.

April 20. - "Set apart this day for fasting and prayer, to bow my soul before God for in the bestowment of divine grace; especially that all my spiritual afflictions, and inward distresses, might be sanctified to my soul. And endeavored also to remember the goodness of God to me the year past, this day being my birth day. Having obtained help of God, In have hitherto lived, and am now arrived at the age of twenty-five years. My soul was pained to think of my barrenness and deadness; that In have lived so little to the glory of the eternal God. In spent the day in the woods alone, and there poured out my complaint to God. Oh! that God would enable me to live to his glory for the future! May 10. - "Was in the same state as to my mind, that In have been in for some time; extremely oppressed with a sense of guilt, pollution, and blindness, "The iniquity of my heels hath compassed me about: the sins of my youth have been set in order before me; they have gone over my head, as an heavy burden, too heavy for me to bear." Almost all the actions of my life past seem to be covered over with sin and guilt; and those of them that In performed in the most conscientious manner, now fill me with shame and confusion, that In cannot hold up my face. Oh!, the pride, selfishness, hypocrisy, ignorance, bitterness, party zeal, and the want of love, candor, meekness, and gentleness, that have attended my attempts to promote the interests of religion; and this, when In have reason to hope In had real assistance from above, and some sweet intercourse with heaven! But alas, what corrupt mixtures attended my best duties!"

May 18. - "My circumstances are such that In have no comfort of any kind, but what I have in God. In live in the most lonesome wilderness; have but one single person to converse with that can speak English. [This person was Brainerd's interpreter, an ingenious young Indian, belonging to Stockbridge, whose name was John Wauwaumpequunnaunt. He had been instructed in the Christian religion by Mr. Sergeant; had lived with the Rev. Mr. Williams, of Long-Meadow; had been further instructed by him, at the charge of Mr. Hollis, of London; and understood both English and Indian very well, and wrote a good hand.] Most of the talk I hear, is either Highland Scotch, or Indian. In have no fellow-Christian to whom In may unbosom myself, or lay open my spiritual sorrows; with whom In may take sweet counsel in conversation about heavenly things, and join in social prayer. In live poorly with regard to the comforts of life: most of my diet consists of boiled corn, hasty-pudding, &c. In lodge on a bundle of straw, my laboris hard and extremely difficult, and In have little appearance of success to comfort me. The Indians have no land to live on but what the Dutch people lay claim to; and these threaten to drive them off. They have no regard to the souls of the poor Indians; and by what In can learn, they hate me because In come to preach. to them. But that which makes all my difficulties grievous to be home, is, that God hides his face from me.

May 20. - "Was much perplexed some part of the day; but toward night had some comfortable meditations on Isa. 40: 1. "Comfort ye, comfort ye my people, saith your God, " and enjoyed some sweetness in prayer. Afterward my soul rose so far above the deep waters, that In dared to rejoice in God. In saw that there was sufficient matter of consolation in the blessed God." On Monday, May 30, he set out on a journey to New-Jersey to consult the commissioners, and obtain orders from them to set up a school among the Indians at Kaunaumeek, and that this interpreter might be appointed the schoolmaster; which was accordingly done. He proceeded from New-Jersey to New-Haven, where he arrived onMonday, June 6; attempted a reconciliation with the faculty of the college; and spent this week in visiting his friends in those parts, and in his journey homeward, till Saturday, in a pretty comfortable frame of mind. On Saturday, in his way from Stockbridge to Kaunaumeek, he was lost in the woods, and lay all night in the open air; but happily found his way in the morning, and came to his Indians on Lord's day, June 12, and had greater assistance in preaching among them than ever before, since his first coming among them.

From this time forward he was the subject of various frames and exercises of mind, in the general much after the same manner as hitherto from his first coming to Kaunaumeek, till he got into his own house, (a little hut, which he made chiefly with his own hands, by long and hard labor.) He found that the distance of the family with whom he at first lodged, debarred him from many favorable opportunities to access to the Indians, especially morning and evening; and after about three months, removed and lived with the Indians in one of their wigwams. Here he continued for about one month, when he completed the small house of which he now speaks. Although he was much dejected during most of the period, yet he had many intermissions of his melancholy, and some seasons of comfort, sweet tranquillity and resignation of mind, and frequently special assistance in public services, as appears in his diary. The manner of his relief from his sorrow, once in particular, is worthy to be mentioned in his own words.

July 25. - "Had little or no resolution for a life of holiness; was ready almost to renounce my hope of living to God. And Oh! how dark it looked, to think of being unholy for ever! This In could not endure. The cry of my soul was, Psalm 65:3. "Iniquities prevail against me. " But In was in some measure relieved by a comfortable meditation of God's eternity, that he never had a beginning. Whence In was led to admire his greatness and power, in such a manner, that In stood still, and praised the Lord for his own glories and perfections: though In was (and if In should for ever be) an unholy creature, my soul was comforted to apprehend an eternal, infinite, powerful, holy God."

July 30 - "Just at night, moved into my own house, and lodged there that night; found it much better spending the time alone than in a wigwam where In was before.

Lord's day, July 31. - "Felt more comfortably than some days past. Blessed be the Lord, who has now given me a place of retirement. Oh! that In may find God in it, and that he would dwell with me for ever!

Aug. 1. - "Was still busy in further labors on my house. Felt a little sweetness of religion, and thought that it was worth while to follow after God through a thousand snares, deserts, and death itself Oh! that In might always follow after holiness, that In may be fully conformed to God! Had some degree of sweetness in secret prayer, though In had much sorrow.

Aug, 3. - "Spent most of the day in writing. Enjoyed some sense of religion. Through divine goodness In am now uninterruptedly alone, and find my retirement comfortable. In have enjoyed more sense of divine things within a few days last past than for some time before. In longed after holiness, humility, and meekness: Oh! that God would enable me to 'pass the time of my sojourning here in his fear,' and always live to him!

Aug. 4. - "Was enabled to pray much through the whole day; and through divine goodness found some intenseness of soul in the duty, as In used to do, and some ability to persevere in my supplications. In had some apprehensions of divine things, which afforded me courage and resolution. It is good, In find, to persevere in attempts to pray, if In cannot pray with perseverance, i.e. continue long in my addresses to the Divine Being. In have generally found that the more In do in secret prayer, the more In have delighted to do, and the more In have enjoyed a spirit of prayer; and frequently In have found the contrary, when by journeying or otherwise In have been much deprived of retirement. A seasonable, steady performance of secret duties in their proper hours, and a careful improvement of all time, filling every hour with some profitable labor, either of heart, head, and hands, are excellent means of spiritual peace and boldness before God. Filling up our time with and for God, is the way to rise up and lie down in peace.

Aug. 13. - "Was enabled in secret prayer to raise my soul to God, with desire and delight. It was indeed a blessed season. In found the comfort of being a Christian; and "counted the sufferings of the present life not worthy to be compared with the glory" of divine enjoyments even in this world. All my past sorrows seemed kindly to disappear, and In "remembered no more the sorrow, for joy." Oh!, How kindly, and with what a filial tenderness, the soul confides in "the Rock of Ages," at such a season, that he will "never leave it nor forsake it," that he will cause "all things to work together for its good!" In longed that others should know how good a God the Lord is. My soul was full of tenderness and love, even to the most inveterate of my enemies. In longed that they should share in the same mercy; and loved that God should so do-just as he pleased with me and everything else. In felt peculiarly serious, calm, and peaceful, and encouragement to press after holiness as long as In live, whatever difficulties and trials may be in my way. May the Lord always help me so to do! Amen, and Amen.

Aug. 15. - "Spent most of the day in labor, to procure something to keep my horse on in the winter. Had not much spiritual enjoyment in the morning; was very weak in body through the day; and thought that this frail body would soon drop into the dust; and had some very realizing apprehensions of a speedy entrance into another world. In this weak state of body, In was not a little distressed for want of suitable food. In had no bread, nor could In get any. In am forced to go or send ten or fifteen miles for all the bread In eat; and sometimes it is moldy and sour before In eat it, if In get any considerable quantity. And then again In have none for some days together, for want of an opportunity to send for it, and cannot find my horse in the woods to go myself; and this was my case now; but through divine goodness In had some Indian meal, of which In made cakes, and fried them. Yet In felt contented with my circumstances and sweetly resigned to God. In prayer In enjoyed great freedom; and blessed God as much for my present circumstances as if In had been a king; and thought that In had found a disposition to be contented in any circumstances. Blessed be God." In his diary for Saturday, he says he was somewhat melancholy and sorrowful in mind; and adds, "In never feel comfortably but when In find my soul going forth after God. If In cannot be holy, In must necessarily be miserable for ever.

Lord's day, Aug. 21. - "Was much straitened in the forenoon exercise; my thoughts seemed to be all scattered to the ends of the earth. At noon, In fell down before the Lord, groaned under my vileness, barrenness, and deadness; and felt as if In was guilty of soul murder, in speaking to immortal souls in such a manner as In had then done. In the afternoon God was pleased to give me some assistance, and In was enabled to set before my hearers the nature and necessity of true repentance. Afterward had some small degree of thankfulness. Was very ill and full of pain in the evening and my soul mourned that In had spent so much time to so little profit.

Aug. 23. - "Studied in the forenoon, and enjoyed some freedom. In the afternoon labored abroad: endeavored to pray, but found not much enjoyment or intenseness of mind. Toward night was very weary, and tired of this world of sorrow: the thoughts of death and immortality appeared very desirable, and even refreshed my soul. Those lines turned in my mind with pleasure, "Come death, shake hands; I'll kiss thy bands; ... Tis happiness for me to die. - "What! - dost thou think that In will shrink? "I'll go to immortality." "In evening prayer, God was pleased to draw near my soul, though very sinful and unworthy; so that I was enabled to wrestle with God, and to persevere in my requests for grace. I poured out my soul for all the world, friends and enemies. My soul was concerned, not so much for souls as such, but rather for Christ's kingdom, that it might appear in the world, that God might be known to be God, in the whole earth. And Oh! my soul abhorred the very thought of a party in religion! Let the truth of God appear, wherever it is; and God have glory for ever. Amen. This was indeed a comfortable season. I thought I had some foretaste of the enjoyments and employments of the upper world. Oh! that my soul was more attempered to it!

Aug. 31. - [On a journey to New-York.] "Was in a sweet, serious, and I hope, Christian frame. Eternal things engrossed all my thoughts; and I longed to be in the world of spirits. Oh! how happy it is to have all our thoughts swallowed up in that world: to feel one's self a stranger in this world, diligently seeking a road through it, the best, the sure road to the heavenly Jerusalem!" He went forward on his journey, and after tarrying two or three days at New-York, set out from that city toward New-Haven, intending to be there at the commencement. Lord's day, Sept. 11. - "[At Horse-Neck.] In the afternoon I preached from Titus, 3:8. 1 think God never helped me more in painting true religion, and in detecting clearly, and tenderly discountenancing false appearances of religion, wild fire, party zeal, spiritual pride, &c. as well as a confident dogmatical spirit, and its spring, viz. ignorance of the heart. In the evening took much pains in private conversation to suppress some confusions which I perceived were among that people.

Sept. 13. - "Rode to New-Haven. Was sometimes dejected; not in the sweetest frame. Lodged at ****. Had some profitable Christian conversation. I find, though my inward trials were great, and a life of solitude gives them greater advantage to settle, and penetrate to the very inmost recesses of the sotd; yet it is better to be alone than encumbered with noise and tumult. I find it very difficult maintaining any sense of divine things while removing from place to place diverted with new objects, and filled with care and business. A settled steady business is best adapted to a life of strict religion.

Sept. 14. - "This day I ought to have taken my degree; but God sees fit to deny it me. And though I was greatly afraid of being overwhelmed with perplexity and confusion, when I should see my classmates take theirs; yet, at the very time, God enabled me with calmness and resignation to say, "the will of the Lord be done." Indeed, through divine goodness, I have scarcely felt my mind so calm, sedate, and comfortable for some time. I had long feared this season, and expected my humility, meekness, patience and resignation would be much tried; but found much more pleasure and divine comfort than I expected. Felt spiritually serious, tender and affectionate in private prayer with a dear Christian friend to-day.

Sept. 15. - "Had some satisfaction in hearing the ministers discourse. It is always a comfort to me to hear religious and spiritual conversation. Oh! that ministers and people were more spiritual and devoted to God! Toward night, with the advice of Christian friends, I offered the following reflections in writing, to the rector and trustees of the college - which are not for substance the same that I had freely offered to the rector before, and entreated him to accept - that if possible I might cut off all occasion of offence from those who seek occasion. What I offered, is as follows: 'Whereas I have said before several persons, concerning Mr. Whittlesey, one of the tutors of Yale College, that I did not believe he had any more grace than the chair I then leaned upon; I humbly confess, that herein I have sinned against God, and acted contrary to the rules of his word, and have injured Mr. Whittelsey. I had no right to make thus free with his character; and had no just reason to say as I did concerning him. My fault herein was the more aggravated, in that I said this concerning one who was so much my superior, and one whom I was obliged to treat with special respect and honor, by reason of the relation I stood in to him in the college. Such a manner of behavior I confess did not become a Christian: it was taking too much upon me, and did not savor of that humble respect which I ought to have expressed toward Mr. Whittelsey. I have long since been convinced of the falseness of those apprehensions, by which I then justified such a conduct. I have often reflected on this act with grief; I hope, on account of the sin of it: and am willing to lie low, and be abased before God and man for it. I humbly ask the forgiveness of the governors of the college and of the whole society; but of Mr. Whittelsey in particular. And whereas I have been accused by one person of saying concerning the reverend rector of Yale College, that I wondered he did not expect to drop down dead for fining the scholars that followed Mr. Tennent to Milford; I seriously profess that I do not remember my saying any thing to this purpose: but if I did, which I am not certain I did not, I utterly condemn it, and detest all such kind of behavior; and especially in an under-graduate toward the rector. And I now appear to judge and condemn myself for going once to the separate meeting in New-Haven, a little before I was expelled, though the rector had refused to give me leave. For this I humbly ask the rector's forgiveness. And whether the governors of the college shall ever see cause to remove the academical censure I lie under, or no, or to admit me to the privileges I desire; yet I am willing to appear, if they think fit, openly to own, and to humble myself for those things I have herein confessed.' " "God has made me willing to do any t ing that I can do consistently with truth, for the sake of peace, and that I might not be stumbling block to others. For this reason I can cheerfully forego and give up what I verily believe, after the most mature and impartial search, is my right, in some instances. God has given me the disposition, that, if a man has done me a hundred injuries, and I (though ever so much provoked to it) have done him only one, I feel disposed and heartily willing humbly to confess my fault to him, and on my knees to ask forgivness of him; though at the same time he should justify himself in all the injuries he has done me, and should only make use of my humble confession to blacken my character the more, and represent me as the only person guilty; yea, though he should as it were insult me, and say, "he knew all this before, and that I was making work for repentance." Though what I said concerning Mr. Whittelsey was only spoken in private, to a friend or two; and being partly overheard, was related to the rector, and by him extorted from my friends; yet, seeing it was divulged and made public, I was willing to confess my fault therein publicly. But I trust God will plead my cause." I was witness to the very Christian spirit which Brainerd showed at that time; being then at New-Haven, and one whom he thought fit to consult on that occasion. This was my first opportunity of a personal acquaintance with him. There truly appeared in hixn a great degree of calmness and humility, without the least appearance of rising of spirit for any ill treatment which he supposed he had suffered, or the least backwardness to abase him before them who, as he thought, had wronged him. What he did was without any objection or appearance of reluctance, even in private to his friends, to whom he freely opened himself. Earnest application was made on his behalf to the authority of the college, that he might have his degree then given him; and particularly by the Rev. Mr. Buff of Newark, one of the correspondents of the society in Scotland; he being sent from New-Jersey to New-Haven, by the rest of the commissioners, for that end; and many arguments were used, but without success. Indeed, the governors of the college were so far satisfied with the reflections which Brainerd had made on himself, that they appeared willing to admit him again into college; but not to give him his degree, till he should have remained there at least twelve months, which being contrary to what the correspondents, to whom he was now engaged, had declared to their mind, be did not consent to it. He desired his degree, as he thought it would tend to. his being more extensively useful; but still when he was denied it, he manifested no disappointment or resentment.

Sept. 20 "[At Bethlehem.] Had thoughts of going forward on my journey to my Indians; but toward night was taken with a hard pain in my teeth, and shivering cold; and could not possibly recover a comfortable degree of warmth the whole night following. I continued very full of pain all night; and in the morning had a very hard fever, and pains almost over my whole body. I had a sense of the divine goodness in appointing this to be the place of my sickness, among my friends, who were very kind to me. I should probably have perished if I had first got home to my own house in the wilderness, where I have none to converse with but the poor, rude, ignorant Indians. Here, I saw, was mercy in the midst of affliction. I continued thus, mostly confined to my bed, till Friday night; very full of pain most of the time; but, through divine goodness, not afraid of death. Then I saw the extreme folly of those who put off their turning to God till a sick bed. Surely this is not a time proper to prepare for eternity. On Friday evening my pains went off somewhat suddenly. I was exceedingly weak, and almost fainted; but was very comfortable the night following. I thought we were to prize the continuation of life, only on this account, that we may "show forth God's goodness and works of grace."

Oct. 4. - "This day rode home to my own house and people. The poor Indians appeared very glad of my return. Found my house and all things in safety. I presently fell on my knees, and blessed God for my safe return. I have taken many considerable joumies since this time last year, and yet God has never suffered one of my bones to be broken, or any distressing calamity to befall me, excepting the ill turn I had in my last journey. I have been often exposed to cold and hunger in the wilderness, where the comforts of life were not to be had; have frequently been lost in the woods; and sometimes obliged to ride much of the night; and once lay out in the woods all night; yet blessed be God, he has preserved me!

Nov. 3. - "Spent this day in secret fasting and prayer, from morning till night. Early in the morning I had some small degree of assistance in prayer. Afterward read the story of Elijah the prophet, I Kings, 17th, 18th, and 19th chapters; and also 2 Kings, 2nd, and 4^th chapters. My soul was much moved, observing the faith, zeal, and power of that holy man; how he wrestled with God in prayer, &c. My soul then cried with Elisha, "Where is the Lord God of Elijah!" Oh! I longed for more faith! My soul breathed after God, and pleaded with him, that a "double portion of that spirit" which was given to Elijah, might "rest on me. " And that which was divinely refreshing and strengthening to my soul, was, I saw that God is the same that he was in the days of Elijah. Was enabled to wrestle with God by prayer, in a more affectionate, fervent, humble, intense, and importunate manner, than I have for many months past. Nothing seemed too hard for God to perform; nothing too great for me to hope for from him. I had for many months entirely lost all hope of being made instrumental of doing any special service for God in the world; it has appeared entirely impossible, that one so vile should be thus employed for God. But at this time God was pleased to revive this hope. Afterward read from the 3rd chapter of Exodus to the 20th, and saw more of the glory and majesty of God discovered in those chapters that ever I had seen before; frequently in the meantime failing on my knees and crying to God for the faith of Moses, and for a manifestation of the divine glory. Especially the 3d, 4th, and part of the 14th and 15th chapters were unspeakably sweet to my soul: my soul blessed God that he had shown himself so gracious to his servants of old. The 15th chapter seemed to be the very language which my soul uttered to God in the season of my first spiritual comfort, when I had just got through the Red Sea, by a way that I had no expectation of. Oh! how my soul then rejoiced in God! And now those things came fresh and lively to my mind; now my soul blessed God afresh that he had opened that unthought of way to deliver me from the fear of the Egyptians, when I almost despaired of life. Afterward read the story of Abraham's pilgrimage in the land of Canaan. My soul was melted, in observing his faith, how he leaned on God; how he communed with God; and what a stranger he was here in the world. After that, read the story of Joseph's sufferings, and God's goodness to him: blessed God for these examples of faith and patience. My soul was ardent in prayer, was enabled to wrestle ardently for myself, for Christian friends, and for the church of God; and felt more desire to see the power of God in the conversion of souls, than I have done for a long season. Blessed be God for this season of fasting and prayer! - May his goodness always abide with me, and draw my soul to him! Nov. 10. - "Spent this day in fasting and prayer alone. In the morning was very dull and lifeless, melancholy and discouraged. But after some time, while reading 2 Kings, 19, my soul was moved and affected; especially reading verse 14, and onward. I saw there was no other way for the afflicted children of God to take, but to go to God with all their sorrows. Hezekiah, in his great distress, went and spread his compldnt before the Lord. I was then enabled to see the mighty power of God, and my extreme need of that power; and to cry to him affectionately and ardently for his power and grace to be exercised toward me. Afterward, read the story of David's trials, and observed the course he took under them, how he strengthened his hands in God; whereby my soul was carried out after God, enabled to cry to him, and rely upon him, and felt strong in the Lord. Was afterward refreshed, observing the blessed temper that was wrought in David by his trials: all bitterness, and desire of revenge, seemed wholly taken away; so that he moumed for the death of his enemies. 2 Sam. 1:17, and 4:9-12. Was enabled to bless God that he had given me something of this divine temper, that my soul freely forgives, and heartily loves my enemies.

Nov. 29. - "Began to study the Indian tongue, with Mr. Sargeant, at Stockbridge. [The commissioners who employed him, had directed him to spend much time this winter with Mr. Sergeant, to learn the language of the Indians; which necessitated him very often to ride backward and forward, twenty miles through the uninhabited woods between Stockbridge and Kaunaumeek; which many times exposed him to extreme hardship in the severe seasons of the winter.] Was perplexed for want of more retirement. I love to live alone in my own little cottage, where I can spend much time in prayer, &c.

Dec. 22. - "Spent this day alone in fasting and prayer, and reading in God's word the exercises and deliverances of his children. Had, I trust, some exercise of faith, and realizing apprehension of divine power, grace, and holiness; and also of the unchange- ableness of God, that he is the same as when he delivered his saints of old out of great tribulation. My soul was sundry times in prayer enlarged for God's church and people. Oh! that Zion might become the "joy of the whole earth!" It is better to wait upon God with patience, than to put confidence in any thing in this lower world. "My soul, wait thou on the Lord;" for "from him comes thy salvation. "

Lord's day, Jan. 1, 1744. - "In the morning had some small degree of assistance in prayer. Saw myself so vfle and unworthy that I could not look my people in the face when I came to preach. Oh! my meanness, folly, ignorance, and inward pollution! - In the evening had a little assistance in prayer, so that the duty was delightful, rather than burdensome. Reflected on the goodness of God to me in the past year, &c. Of a truth God has been kind and gracious to me, though he has caused me to pass through many sorrows; he has provided for me bountifully, so that I have been enabled, in about fifteen months past, to bestow to charitable uses about an hundred pounds New-England money, that I can now remember. Blessed be the Lord that has so far used me as his steward, to distribute a portion of his goods. May I always remember, that an I have comes from God. Blessed be the Lord, that has carried me through all the toils, fatigues and hardships of the year past, as well as the spiritual soff ows and conflicts that have attended it. Oh! that I could begin this year with God, and spend the whole of it to his glory, either in life or death!

Jan. 3. - "Was employed much of the day in writing; and spent some time in other necessary employment. But my time passes away so swiftly, that I am astonished when I reflect on it, and see how little I do. My state of solitude does not make the hours hang heavy upon my hands. Oh! what reason of thankfulness have I on account of this retirement! I find that I do not, and it seems I cannot, lead a Christian life when I am abroad, and cannot spend time in devotion, Christian conversation, and serious meditation, as I should do. Those weeks that I am obliged now to be from home, in order to learn the Indian tongue, are mostly spent in perplexity and barrenness, without much sweet relish of divine things; and I feel myself a stranger at the throne of grace for want of more frequent and continued retirement. When I return home and give myself to meditation, prayer, and fasting, a new scene opens to my mind, and my soul longs for mortification, self-denial, humility, and divorcement from all things of the world. This evening my heart was somewhat warm and fervent in prayer and meditation, so that I was loth to indulge sleep. Continued in those duties till about midnight.

Jan. 6. - "Feeling my extreme weakness, and want of grace, the pollution of my soul, and danger of temptations on every side, I set apart this day for fasting and prayer, neither eating nor drinking from evening to evening, beseeching God to have mercy on me. My soul intensely longed that the dreadful spots and stains of sin might be washed away from it. Saw something of the power and all-sufficiency of God. My soul seemed to rest on his power and grace; longed for resignation to his will, and mortification to all things here below. My mind was greatly fixed; my desires ardent and intense; my conscience tender, and afraid of every appearance of evil. My soul grieved with reflection on past levity, and want of resolution for God. I solemnly renewed my dedication of myself to God, and longed for grace to enable me always to keep covenant with him. Time appeared very short, eternity near and a great name, either in or after life, together with all earthly pleasures and profits, but an empty bubble, a deluding dream.

Jan. 7. "Spent this day in seriousness, with steadfast resolutions for God, and a life of mortification. Studied closely, till I felt my bodily strength fail. Felt some degree of resignation to God, with an acquiescence in his dispensations. Was grieved that I could do so little for God before my bodily strength failed. In the evening, though tired, was enabled to continue instant in prayer for some time. Spent the time in reading, meditation, and prayer, till the evening was far spent: was grieved to think that I could not watch unto prayer the whole night. But blessed be God, heaven in a place of continual and incessant devotion though the earth is dull.

Jan. 14. "This morning, enjoyed a most solemn season in prayer: my soul seemed enlarged and assisted to pour out itself to God for grace, and for every blessing I wanted for myself, for dear Christian friends, and for the church of God; and was so enabled to "see Him who is invisible, " that my soul rested upon him for the performance of every thing I asked agreeable to his will. It was then my happiness to 'continue instant in prayer,' and I was enabled to continue in the Lord, and in the power of his might." Longed exceedingly for an angelic holiness and purity, and to have all my thoughts, at all times, employed in divine and heavenly things. Felt the same divine assistance in prayer sundry times in the day. My soul confided in God for myself, and for his Zion: trusted in divine power and grace, that he would do glorious things in his church on earth, for his own glory.

Feb. 3. "Enjoyed more freedom and comfort than of late; was engaged in meditation upon the different whispers of the various powers and affections of a pious -mind, exercised with a great variety of dispensations; and could not but write, as well as meditate, on so entertaining a subject. I hope the Lord gave me some true sense of divine things this day; but alas, how great and pressing are the remains of indwelling corruption! I am now more sensible than ever, that God alone is "the author and flnisher bf our faith, " i.e. that the whole and every part of sanctification, and every good word, work, or thought, found in me, is the effect of his power and grace; that "without him I can do nothing, " in the strictest sense, and that, "he works in us to will and to do of his own good pleasure, " and from no other motive. Oh! how amazing it is that people can talk so much about men's power and goodness, when if God did not hold us back every moment, we should be devils incarnate! This my bitter experience, for several days last past, has abundantly taught me concerning myself.

Feb. 7. "My soul felt and tasted that the Lord is gracious; that he is the supreme good, the only soul-satisfying happiness; that he is a complete, sufficient, and almighty portion. The language of my heart was, "Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee. " Oh!, I feel that it is heaven to please him, and to be just what he would have me to be! Oh! that my soul were "holy, as he is holy!" Oh! that it were "pure, even as Christ is pure;" and "perfect, as my Father in heaven is Perfect!" These I feel are the sweetest commands in God's book, comprising all others. And shall I break them! must I break them! and I under the necessity of it as long as I live in the world! Oh! my soul, woe, woe, is me, that I am a sinner, who continually grieve and offend this blessed God, infinite in goodness and grace! Oh! methinks if he would punish me for my sins, it would not wound my heart so deep to offend him; but though I sin continually, yet he continually repeats his kindness to me! Oh! methinks I could bear any sufferings; but how can I bear to grieve and dishonor this blessed God! How shall I yield ten thousand times more honor to him? What shall I do to glorify and worship this best of things? Oh! that I could consecrate myself, soul and body, to his service for ever! Oh! that I could give up myself to him, so as never more to attempt to be my own, or to have any will or affections that are not perfectly conformed to him! But, alas! I find I cannot be thus entirely devoted to God; I cannot live, and not sin. Oh! ye angels, do ye glorify Him incessantly; and if possible, prostrate yourselves lower before the blessed King of heaven! I long to bear a part with you; and, if it were possible, to help you. Oh! when we have done all that we can, to all eternity, we shall not be able to offer the ten thousandth part of the homage which the glorious God deserves!

March 3. "In the morning, spent (I believe) an hour in prayer, with great intenseness and freedom, and with the most soft and tender affection toward all mankind. I longed that those who, I have reason to think, owe me ill will, might be eternally happy. It seemed refreshing to think of meeting them in heaven, how much soever they had injured me on earth: had no disposition to insist upon any confession from them, in order to reconciliation, and the exercise of love and kindness to them. Oh! it is an emblem of heaven itself, to love all the world with a love of kindness, forgiveness, and benevolence; to feel our souls sedate, mild, and meek; to be void of all evil surmisings and suspicions, and scarce able to think evil of any man upon any occasion; to find our hearts simple, open, and free, to those that look upon us with a different eye! - Prayer was so sweet an exercise to me, that I knew not how to cease, lest I should lose the spirit of prayer. Felt no disposition to eat or drink, for the sake of the pleasure ot it, but only to support my nature, and fit me for divine service. Could not be content without a very particular mention of a great number of dear friends at the throne of grace; as also the particular circumstances of many, as far as they were known.

March 10. "In the morning, felt exceeding dead to the world, and all its enjoyments. I thought I was ready and willing to give up life and all its comforts, as soon as called to it; and yet then had as much comfort of life as almost ever I had. I longed to be perpetually and entirely crucified to all things here below, by the cross of Christ. My soul was sweetly resigned to God's disposal of me, in every regard; and I saw that nothing had happened but what was best for me. I confided in God, that he would never leave me, though I should "walk through the valley of the shadow of death. " It was then my meat and drink to be holy, to live to the Lord, and die to the Lord. And I thought that I then enjoyed such a heaven as far exceeded the most sublime conceptions of an unregenerate soul; and even unspeakably beyond what I myself could conceive of at another time. I did not wonder that Peter said, "Lord, it is good to be here, " when thus refreshed with divine glories. My soul was full of love and tenderness in the duty of intercession; especially felt a most sweet affection to some precious godly ministers, of my acquaintance. Prayed earnestly for dear Christians, and for those I have reason to fear are my enemies; and could not have spoken a word of bitterness, or entertained a bitter thought, against the vilest man living. Had a sense of my own great unworthiness. My soul seemed to breathe forth love and praise to God afresh, when I thought he would let his children love and receive me as one of their brethren and fellow citizens. When I thought of their treating me in that manner, I longed to lie at their feet; and could think of no way to express the sincerity and simplicity of my love and esteem of them, as being much better than myself.

Lord's day, March 11. "My soul was in some measure strengthened in God, in morning devotion; so that I was released from trembling fear and distress. Preached to my people from the parable of the sower, Matt. 13, and enjoyed some assistance both parts of the day, had some freedom, affection, and fervency in addressing my poor people; longed that God should take hold of their hearts, and make them spiritually alive. And indeed I had so much to say to them, that I knew not how to leave off speaking."

This was the last Sabbath in which he ever performed public service at Kaunaumeek, and these the last sermons which he ever preached to the Indians there. The methods he adopted for their salvation, he thus describes in a letter to Rev. Mr. Penberton of New-York. "In my labors with them, in order to "tum them from darkness to light, " I studied what was most plain and easy, and best suited to their capacities; and endeavored to set before them from time to time, as they were able to receive them, the most important and necessary truths of Christianity; such as most immediately concerned their speedy conversion to God, and such as I judged had the greatest tendency, as means, to effect that glorious change in them. But especially I made it the scope and drift of all my labors, to lead them into a thorough acquaintance with these two things: (1.) The sinfulness and misery of the estate they were naturally in; the evil of their hearts, the pollution of their natures; the heavy guilt they were under, and their exposedness to everlasting punishment; as also their utter inability to save themselves, either from their sins, or from those miseries which are the just punishment of them; and their unworthiness of any mercy at the hand of God, on account of any thing they themselves could do to procure his favor, and consequently their extreme need of Christ to save them. And, (2.) I frequently endeavored to open to them the fullness, all-sufficiency, and freeness of that redemption which the Son of God has wrought out by his obedience and sufferings, for perishing sinners: how this provision he had made was suited to all their wants; and how he called and invited them to accept of everlasting life freely, notwithstanding all their sinfulness.

"After I had been with the Indians several months, I composed sundry forms of prayer, adapted to their circumstances and capacities; which, with the help of my interpreter, I translated into the Indian language; and soon learned to pronounce their words, so as to pray with them in their own tongue. I also translated sundry psalms into their language, and soon after we were able to sing in the worship of God. "When my people had gained some acquaintance with many of the simplest truths of Christianity, so that they were capable of receiving and understanding others, I gave them an historical account of God's dealings with his ancient professing people, the Jews; some of the rites and ceremonies they were obliged to observe, as their sacrifices, &c.; and what these were designed to represent to them; as also some of the surprising miracles God wrought for their salvation, while they trusted in him; and sore punishments he sometimes brought upon them, when they forsook and sinned against him. Afterward I proceeded to give them a relation of the birth, life, miracles, sufferings, death, and resurrection of Christ; as well as his ascension, and the wonderful effusion of the Holy Spirit consequent thereupon.

"And having thus endeavored to prepare the way by such a general account of things, I next proceeded to read and expound to them the Gospel of St. Matthew (at least the substance of it) in course, wherein they had a more distinct and particular view of what they had had before some general notion. These expositions I attended almost every evening, when there was any considerable number of them at home; except when I was obliged to be absent myself, in order to learn the Indian language with the Rev. Mr. Sargeant. Besides these means of instruction, there was likewise an English school constantly kept by my interpreter among the Indians; which I used frequently to visit, in order to give the children and young people some proper instructions, and serious exhortations suited to their age.

"The degree of knowledge to which some of them attained was considerable. Many of the truths of Christianity seemed fixed in their minds, especially in some instances, so that they would speak to me of them, and ask such questions about them as were necessary to render them more plain and clear to their understandings. The children, also, and young people, who attended the school, made considerable proficiency (at least some of them) in their leaming; so that had they understood the English language well, they would have been able to read somewhat readily in a psalter. "But that which was most of all desirable, and gave me the greatest encouragement amidst many difficulties and disconsolate hours, was, that the truths of God's word seemed, at times, to be attended with some power upon the hearts and consciences of the Indians. And especially this appeared evident in a few individuals, who were awakened to some sense of their miserable estate by nature, and appeared solicitous for deliverance from it. Several of them came, of their own accord to discourse with me about their soul's concerns; and some, with tears, inquired what they should do to be saved?"

The Indians at Kaunaumeek being but few in number and Brainerd having been laboring among them about a year, and having prevailed upon them to be willing to leave Kaunaumeek, and remove to Stockbridge, to live constantly under Mr. Sargeant's ministry; he thought he might now do more service for Christ among the Indians elsewhere: and therefore went to New-Jersey, and laid the matter before the Commissioners; who met at Elizabeth-Town, on the occasion, and determined that he should forthwith leave Kaunaumeek, and go to the Delaware Indians. By the invitations which Brainerd had lately received, it appears, that it was not from necessity, or for want of opportunities to settle in the ministry, that he determined to forsake all the outward comforts, he might thus have enjoyed, to spend his life among savages, and endure the difficulties and self-denials of an Indian mission. He had, just as he was leaving Kaunameek, had an earnest invitation to a settlement at East-Hampton, one of the pleasantest towns on Long-Island. The people there were unanimous in their desires to have him for their pastor, and for a long time continued in earnest pursuit of him, and were hardly brought to relinquish their endeavors, and give up their hopes of obtaining him. Besides this, he had an invitation to preach with reference to a settlement in Millington, near his native town, and in the midst of his friends. Nor did Brainerd choose the business of a missionary to the Indians, rather than accept of those invitations, because he was unacquainted with the difficulties and sufferings which attended such a service; for he had had experience of these difficulties in summer and winter; having spent about a year in a lonely desert among these savages, where he had gone through extreme hardships, and been the subject of a train of outward and inward sorrows, which were now fresh in his mind.

After this he continued two or three days in New-Jersey, very fli; and then returned to New-York; and from thence into New-England; and went to his native town of Haddam, where he arrived on Saturday, April 14. And he continues still his bitter complaints of want of retirement. While he was in New-York, he says this, "O it is not the pleasures of the world which can comfort me! If God deny his presence, what are the pleasures of the city to me? One hour of sweet retirement where God is, is better than the whole world."

April 17. - "In the evening, at my broiher's, singing hymns with friends, my soul seemed to melt; and in prayer afterward, enjoyed the exercise of faith, and was enabled to be fervent in spirit: found more of God's Presence than I have done any time in my late wearisome journey. Eternity appeared very near; my nature was very weak, and seemed ready to be dissolved; the sun declining, and the shadows of the evening drawing on apace. Oh! I longed to fill up the remaining moments all for God! Though my body was so feeble, and wearied with preaching and much private confersation, yet I wanted to sit up all night to do something for God. To God, the giver of these refreshments, be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

April 18. - "Was very weak, and enjoyed but little spiritual comfort. Was exercised with one who cavilled against original sin. May the Lord open his eyes to see the fountain of sin in himself!" After this he visited several ministers in Connecticut; and then travelled towards Kaunaumeek, and came to Mr. Sargeant's at Stockbridge, Thursday, April 26, having performed the journey in a very weak state of body.

April 27 and 28. - "Spent some time in visiting friends, and discoursing with my people, (who were now moved down from their own place to Mr. Sergeant's) and found them very glad to see me returned. Was exercised in my mind with a sense of my own unworthiness.

Lord's day, April 29. - "Preached for Mr. Sergeant both parts of the day, from Rev. 14:14. Enjoyed some freedom in preaching though not much spirituality. In the evening, my heart was in some measure lifted up in thankfulness to God for any assistance.

April 30. - "Rode to Kaunaumeek, but was extremely ill; did not enjoy the comfort I hoped for in my own house.

May 1. - "Having received new orders to go to a number of Indians on Delaware river, in Pennsylvania, and my people here being mostly removed to Mr. Sergeant's, I this day took all my clothes, books, &c. and disposed of them, and set out for Delaware river; but made it my way to return to Mr. Sergeant's, which I did this day, just a night. Rode several hours in the rain through the howling wilderness, although I was so disordered in body, that little or nothing but blood came from me.

May 8. - "Travelled about forty-five miles to a place called Fishkffl; and lodged there. Spent much of my time, while riding, in prayer that God would go with me to the Delaware. My heart sometimes was ready to sink with the thoughts of my work, and going alone in the wilderness, I knew not where; but still it was comfortable to think that others of God's children had 'wandered about in dens and capes of the earth;' and Abraham, when he was called to go forth, 'went out not knowing whither he went.'O that I might follow after God!" The next day he went forward on his journey; crossed the Hudson, and went to Goshen in the Highlands; and so traveled across the woods, from the Hudson to the Delaware, about a hundred miles, through a desolate and hideous country, above New-Jersey, where were very few settlements; in which journey he suffered much fatigue and hardship. He visited some Indians in the way, at a place called Miunissinks, and discoursed with them concerning Christianity. Was considerably melancholy and disconsolate, being alone in a strange wfldemess. On Saturday, May 12, he came to a settlement of Irish and Dutch people, and proceeding about twelve miles further arrived at Sakhauwotung, an Indian settlement within the Forks of the Delaware.

Lord's day, May 13. - "Rose early; felt very poorly after my long journey, and after being wet and fatigued, Was very melancholy; have scarcely ever seen such a gloomy morning in my life; there appeared to be no Sabbath; the children were all at play; I, a stranger in the wilderness, and knew not where to go; and all circumstances seemed to conspire to render my affairs dark and discouraging. Was disappointed respecting an Interpreter, and heard that the Indians were much scattered. Oh!, I mourned after the presence of God, and seemed like a creature banished from his sight!, yet he was pleased to support my sinking soul amidst all my sorrows; so that I never entertained any thought of quitting my business among the poor Indians; but was comforted to think that death would ere long set me free from these distresses. Rode about three or four miles to the Irish people, where I found some that appeared sober and concerned about religion. My heart then began to be a little encouraged: went and preached first to the Irish and then to the Indians; and in the evening was a little comforted: my soul seemed to rest on God, and take courage.

Lord's day, May 20. - "Preached twice to the poor Indians; and enjoyed some freedom in speaking, while I attempted to remove their prejudices against Christianity. My soul longed continually for assistance from above; for I saw I had no strength sufficient for that work. Afterward preached to the Irish people; was much assisted in the first prayer, and somewhat in the sermon. Several persons seemed much concerned for their souls, with whom I discoursed afterward with much freedom and some power. Blessed be God for any assistance afforded to an unworthy wortn. Oh! that I could live to him!

Lord's day, May 27. - "Visited my Indians in the morning, and attended upon a funeral among them; was affected to see their heathenish practices. Oh! that they might be 'turned from darkness to light!' Afterward got a considerable number of them together, and preached to them; and observed them very attentive. After this preached to the white people from Heb. 2:3. 'How shall we escape if we neglect so great salvation? Was enabled to speak with some freedom and power: several people seemed much concerned for their souls; especially one who had been educated a Roman Catholic. Blessed be the Lord for any help.

May 28. - "Set out from the Indians above the Forks of the Delaware, on a journey toward Newark, in New-Jersey, according to my orders. Rode through the wilderness; was much fatiguedwith the heat; lodged at a place called Black River; was exceedingly tired and worn out. Lord's day, June 10. - "[At Newark.] In the morning was much concerned how I should perform the work of the day: and trembled at the thoughts of being left to myself. Enjoyed very considerable assistance in all parts of the public service. Had an opportunity again to attend on the ordinance of the Lord's Supper, and through divine goodness was refreshed in it: my soul was full of love and tenderness toward the children of God, and toward all men. At night I enjoyed more spirituality and sweet desire of holiness, than I have felt for some time: was afraid of every thought and every motion, lest thereby my heart should be drawn away from God. Oh! that I might never leave the blessed God! 'Lord, in thy presence is fulness ofjoy.'O the blessedness of living to God!

June 11. - "This day the Presbytery met at Newark, in order to my ordination. Was very weak and disordered in body; yet endeavored to repose my confidence in God. Spent most of the day alone; especially the forenoon. At three in the afternoon preached my probation sermon from Acts, 26:17,18, being a text given me for that purpose. Felt not well either in body or mind: however, God carried me through comfortably. Afterwards passed an examination before the Presbytery. Was much tired, and my mind burdened with the greatness of that charge I was in the most solemn manner about to take upon me: my mind was so pressed with the weight of the work incumbent upon me, that I could not sleep this night, though very weary and in great need of rest.

June 12. - "Was this morning further examined respecting my experimentalacquaintance with Christianity. At 1Oh! o'clock my ordination was attended; the sermon preached by the Rev. Mr. Pemberton. At this time I was affected with a sense of the important trust committed to me; yet was composed and solemn without distraction; and I hope that then, as many times before, I gave myself up to God, to be for him, and not for another. Oh! that I might always be engaged in the service of God, and duly remember the solemn charge I have received in the presence of God, angels, and men. Amen."

CHAPTER 6.

June 13, 1744. - June 18, 1745.

June 13, 1744. [At Elizabeth Town.] - "Spent considerable time in writing an account of the Indian affairs, to be sent to Scotland; some, in conversation with friends; but had not much spiritual enjoyment." On Tuesday, June 19, he set out on his journey, and in three days reached his residence near the Forks of Delaware. Performed the journey under much weakness of body, but had comfort in his soul, from day to day.

Lord's day, June 24. - "Extremely feeble; scarcely able to walk: however visited my Indians, and took much pains to instruct them; labored with some that were much disaffected toward Christianity. My mind was much burdened with the weight and difficulty of my work. My whole dependence and hope of success seemed to be on God; who alone I saw could make them willing to receive instruction. My heart was much engaged in prayer, sending up silent requests to God, even while I was speaking to them. Oh! that I could always go in the strength of the Lord!

June 25. - "Was somewhat better in health than of late; and was able to spend a considerable part of the day in prayer and close study. Had more freedom and fervency in prayer than usual of late; especially longed for the presence of God in my work, and that the poor heathen might be converted. And in evening prayer my faith and hope in God were much raised. To an eye of reason every thing that respects the conversion of the Heathen is as dark as midnight; and yet I cannot but hope in God for the accomplishment of something glorious among them. My soul longed much for the advancement of the Redeemer's kingdom on earth. Was very fearful lest I should admit some vain thought, and so lose the sense I then had of divine things. Oh! for an abiding heavenly temper!

June 26. - "In the morning, my desires seemed to rise, and ascend up freely to God. Was busy most of the day in translating prayers into the language of the Delaware Indians; met with great difficulty, because my interpreter was altogether unacquainted with the business. But though I was much discouraged with the extreme difficulty of that work, yet God supported me; and especially in the evening, gave me sweet refreshment. In prayer my soul was enlarged, and my faith drawn into sensible exercise; was enabled to cry to God for my poor Indians; and though the work of their conversion appeared impossible with man, yet with God I saw all things were possible. My faith was much strengthened, by observing the wonderful assistance God afforded his servants Nehemiah and Ezra, in reforming his people and re-establishing his ancient church. I was much assisted in prayer for my dear Christian friends, and for others whom I apprehended to be Christless; but was more especially concerned for the poor heathen, and those of my own charge; was enabled to be instant in prayer for them; and hoped that God would bow the heavens and come down for their salvation. It seemed to me that there could be no impediment sufficient to obstruct that glorious work, seeing the living God, as I strongly hoped, was engaged for it. I continued in a solemn frame, lifting my heart to God for assistance and grace, that I might be more mortified to this present world, that my whole soul might be taken up continually in concern for the advancement of Christ's kingdom.

Earnestly desired that God would purge me more, that I might be as a chosen vessel to bear his name among the Heathen.

June 28. - "Spent the morning in reading several parts of the holy scripture, and in fervent prayer for my Indians, that God would set up his kingdom among them, and bring them into his church. About nine I withdrew to my usual place of retirement in the woods, and there again enjoyed some assistance in prayer. My great concern was for the conversion of the heathen to God; and the Lord helped me to plead with him for it. Toward noon rode up to the Indians in order to preach to them; and while going my heart went up to God in prayer for them; could freely tell God he knew that the cause in which I was engaged was not mine; but that it was his own cause, and that it would be for his own glory to convert the poor Indians: and blessed be God I felt no desire of their conversion that I might receive honor from the world as being the instrument of it. Had some freedom in speaking to the Indians.

June 30. - "My soul was very solemn in reading God's word, especially the ninth chapter of Daniel. I saw how God had called out his servants to prayer, and made them wrestle with him, when he designed to bestow any great mercy on his church. And, alas! I was ashamed of myself to think of my dullness and inactivity when there seemed to be so much to do for the upbuflding of Zion. Oh! how does Zion lie waste! I longed that the church of God might be enlarged; was enabled to pray, I think, in faith; my soul seemed sensibly to confide in God, and was enabled to wrestle with him. Afterward walked abroad to a place of sweet retirement; eqioyed some assistance in prayer, had a sense of my great need of divine help, and felt my soul sensibly depend on God. Blessed be God, this has been a comfortable week to me.

Lord's day, July 1. - "After I came to them my mind was confused, and I felt nothing sensibly of that sweet reliance on God with which my soul has been comforted in days past. Spent the forenoon in this posture of mind, and preached to the Indians without any heart. In the afternoon I felt still barren when I began to preach, and for about half an hour: I seemed to myself to know nothing, and to have nothing to say to the Indians; but soon after I found in myself a spirit of love, and warmth, and power, to address the poor Indians, and God helped me to plead with them, and to 'turn from all the vanities of the heathen to the living God;' I am persuaded that the Lord touched their consciences; for I never saw such attention raised in them. When I came away from them, I spent the whole time I was riding to my lodgings, three miles distant, in prayer and praise to God. After I had rode more than two miles it came into my mind to dedicate myself to God again, which I did with great solemnity and unspeakable satisfaction; especially gave up myself to him renewedly in the work of the ministry. This I did by divine grace, I hope, without any exception or reserve; not in the least shrinking back from any difficulties that might attend this great and blessed work. I seemed to be most free, cheerful, and full in this full dedication of myself. My whole soul cried, 'Lord, to thee I dedicate myself! Oh! accept of me, and let me be thine for ever. Lord, I desire nothing else; I desire nothing more. Oh! come, come, Lord, accept a poor wonn. My heart rejoiced in my particular work as a missionary; rejoiced in my necessity of self-denial in many respects, and I still continued to give up myself to God, and to implore mercy of him, praying incessantly every moment with sweet fervency. My nature being very weak of late, and much spent, was not considerably overcome: my fingers grew very feeble, and somewhat numb, so that I could scarcely stretch them out straight, and when I lighted from my horse could hardly walk; my joints seemed all to be loosed. But I felt abundant strength in the inner man. Preached to the white people; God helped me much, especially in prayer. Sundry of my poor Indians were so moved as to come to meeting also, and one appeared much concerned.

July 3. - "Was still very weak. This morning was enabled to pray under a feeling sense of my need of help from God, and I trust had some faith in exercise; and, blessed be God, was enabled to plead with him a considerable time. Truly God is good to me. But my soul moumed, and was grieved at my sinfulness and barrenness, and longed to be more engaged for God. Near nine, withdrew again for prayer, and through divine goodness had the blessed spirit of prayer; my soul loved the duty, and longed for God in it. Oh! it is sweet to be the Lord's, to be sensibly devoted to him! What a blessed portion is God! Spent most of the day in translating prayers into Indian. In the evening was enabled again to wrestle with God in prayer with fervency. Was enabled to maintain a self-diffident and watchful frame of spirit, and was jealous, and afraid lest I should admit carelessness and self-confidence.

July 6. - "Awoke this morning in the fear of God, and spent my first waking minutes in prayer for sanctification, that my soul may be washed from its exceeding pollution and defilement. After I arose I spent some time in reading God's word, and in prayer. I cried to God under a sense of my great indigence. I am of late most of an concerned for ministerial qualifications, and the conversion of the heathen. Last year I longed to be prepared for a world of glory, and speedily to depart out of this world; but of late all my concern almost is for the conversion of the heathen, and for that end I long to live. But blessed be God I have less desire to live for any of the pleasures of the world than I ever had. I long and love to be a pilgrim, and want grace to imitate the life, labors and sufferings of St. Paul among the heathen. And when I long for holiness now, it is not so much for myself as formerly, but rather thereby I may become an 'able minister of the New Testament,' especially to the heathen.

July 7. - "Was very much disordered this morning, and my vigor all spend and exhausted; but was affected and refreshed in reading the sweet story of Elijah's translation, and enjoyed some affection and fervency in prayer; longed much for ministerial gifts and graces, that I might do something in the cause of God. Afterward was refreshed and invigorated while reading Alleine's first Case of Conscience, &c. - was enabled then to pray with some ador of soul - was afraid of carelessness and self-confidence, and longed for holiness.

Lord's day, July 8. - "Was Hi last night - not able to rest quietly. Had some small degree of assistance in preaching to the Indians, and afterward was enabled to preach to the white people with some power, especially in the close of my discourse, from Jer. 3:23. 'Truly in vain is salvation hoped for from the hills, '&c. The Lord also assisted me in some measure in the fn-st prayer; blessed be his name. Near night, though very weary, was enabled to read God's word with some sweet relish of it, and to pray with affection, fervency, and I trust with faith; my soul was more sensibly dependent on God than usual. Was watchful, tender, and jealous of my own heart. Lest I should admit carelessness and vain thoughts, and grieve the blessed Spirit, so that he should withdraw his sweet, kind, and tender influences. Longed to 'depart, and be with Christ,' more than at any time of late. My soul was exceedingly united to the saints of ancient times, as well as those now living; especially my soul melted for the society of Elijah and Elisha. Was enabled to cry to God with a child-like spirit, and to continue instant in prayer for some time. Was much enlarged in the sweet duty of intercession; was enabled to remember great numbers of dear friends, and precious souls, as well as Christ's ministers. Continued in this frame, afraid of every idle thought, till I dropped asleep.

July 21. - "This morning I was greatly oppressed with guilt and shame from a sense of inward vileness and pollution. About nine withdrew to the woods for prayer, but had not much comfort; I appeared to myself the vilest, meanest creature upon earth, and could scarcely live with myself; so mean and vfle I appeared, that I thought I should never be able to hold up my face in heaven, if God, of his infinite grace, should bring me thither. Toward night my burden respecting my work among the Indians began to increase much, and was aggravated by hearing sundry things which looked very discouraging, in particular that they intended to meet together the next day for an idolatrous feast and dance. Then I began to be in anguish; I thought that I must in conscience go and endeavor to break them up, yet know not how to attempt such a thing. However, I withdrew for prayer, hoping for strength from above. In prayer I was exceedingly enlarged, and my soul was as much drawn out as I ever remember it to have been in my life. I was in such anguish, and pleaded with such earnestness and importunity, that when I rose from my knees I felt extremely weak and overcome; I could scarcely walk straight; my joints were loosed; the sweat ran down my face and body, and nature seemed as if it would dissolve. So far as I could judge, I was wholly free from selfish ends in my fervent supplications for the poor Indians. I knew that they were met together to worship devils, and not God; and this made me cry earnestly that God would now appear and help me in my attempts to break up this idolatrous meeting. My soul pleaded long, and I thought that God would hear, and would go with me to vindicate his own cause: I seemed to confide in God for his presence and assistance. And thus I spent the evening, praying incessantly for divine assistance, and that I might not be self-dependent, but still have my whole dependence upon God. What I passed through was remarkable, and indeed inexpressible. All things here below vanished, and there appeared to be nothing of any considerable importance to me, but holiness of heart and life, and the conversion of the heathen to God. All my cares, fears and desires, which might be said to be of a worldly nature, disappeared, and were, in my esteem, of little more importance than a puff of wind. I exceedingly longed that God would get to himself a name among the heathen; and I appealed to him with the greatest freedom, that he knew I 'Preferred him above my chief joy.' Indeed, I had no notion of joy from this world; I cared not where